Yogurt · For Bros · In a tube

Yogurt
for bros
with 25g
of PROTEIN.

Adult slurp pouch. Big-kid Go-Gurt, basically — except this one shows up to leg day and stays for the whole session. It's a slurp pouch. Like the Go-Gurt of your childhood, but it lifts now. Tear, squeeze, slurp, repeat. No spoon, no shame, no stinky shaker bottles. A slurp pouch for grown men. Like Go-Gurt grew up, took creatine, and got really into Greek philosophy. Tear the corner. Slurp. Ascend.

Join the waitlist → why bro-yo
25g protein per pouch Grass-fed milk Monk-fruit sweet No alpha-male tax
Bro-Yo high protein yogurt pouch
§ 01 — why bro-yo

Simple gainz.
Pouch shaped. Big numbers.
Tiny pouch. A wearable
protein arsenal.

Three reasons your bro-in-law will steal these from your fridge. Three reasons gym Steve is already DM-ing us about a sponsorship. Three reasons your spirit animal (the Belgian Blue bull) just nodded at you in a dream.

protein.exe
25g

Per pouch. Every pouch. 25 grams. Pouch one. Pouch done. Twenty-five grams of pure dad-strength.

Whey from grass-fed cows that probably squat more than you. Real whey. Real yogurt. Real fast. None of that pea-protein cosplay. Hand-extruded whey from cows we’ve personally spotted at the gym. Hit your macros or perish.

ingredients.txt
4

Ingredients you can pronounce. Four ingredients. Zero PhDs required. A label you could yell at a bear and the bear would respect.

Yogurt, whey, monk-fruit, flavor. That's the list. Yogurt. Whey. Monk-fruit. A little flavor magic. Done. YOGURT. WHEY. MONK-FRUIT. FLAVOR. Anyone adds gum or seed oil they fight us in the parking lot.

ergonomics
0spoons

Squeeze. Sip. Squat. No spoon. No bowl. No alibi. A delivery system engineered for one-handed gym-shuffle eating.

Tube format. Goes anywhere a bro goes. Fits in your gym shorts, your truck cup-holder, your sad commuter backpack. Engineered to fit in a weightlifting belt, a kayak, or wherever your destiny calls. Twist cap because we trust you. A little.

§ 02 — the lineup

three flavors.
all of them
absolutely shredded.

No fruit-on-the-bottom. No “lemon meringue.” Just three flavors built for the locker room. We tested 47 flavors. Killed 44. The survivors went on to compete in the IFBB pro yogurt division. Each flavor went through a 12-week cut, a posing routine, and a peptide cycle. Only the most vascular remain.

flavor 01 25g
BRO-YO 25g PROTEIN
01 / chocolate

Chest-Press Chocolate

Dutched cocoa, no sand. Tastes like dessert, hits like a deload week ending. Belgian cocoa & a single grain of cinnamon. Tastes like the chocolate milk in the post-game cooler, only stronger. Cocoa beans hand selected by men who shadowbox between sets.

flavor 02 25g
BRO-YO 25g PROTEIN
02 / vanilla

Vascular Vanilla

Real Madagascar vanilla. Stupid simple. Stupidly good. Bourbon vanilla bean only. Pop it post-set and watch the forearm veins do their thing. A vanilla so clean your veins will start charting like the S&P 500 mid-rep. Pure unfiltered swole-uence.

flavor 03 25g
BRO-YO 25g PROTEIN
03 / strawberry

Striation Strawberry

Real strawberries, picked at peak. Pink in the pouch, pinker on the chest. Local strawberries with a contrarian attitude. Crushed by hand by guys named Brett. Berries that scored above a 9 on the carnival-mirror separation index. Pink fuel for shredded glutes.

§ 03 — locker room talk

what the
other bros
are saying.

These are real things men have said. Allegedly. We're not lawyers.

★★★★★
“Chugged two pouches and accidently hit a PR.”
B
Brock T.
Verified mass-builder · OH
★★★★★
“After my first sip my dad called to tell me he was proud of me.”
C
Chad H.
Recreational gym dude · TX
★★★★★
“My delts grew while reading the back label.”
G
Garrett "Big G" P.
Powerlifting hobbyist · CA
§ 04 — read this. probably.

Side effects
may include
the following.

As reported by the bros. Tabulated by our intern. Reviewed by exactly zero physicians.

fx 01
01
Increased female attention.
fx 02
02
Delusions of Olympia qualification.
fx 03
03
Elevated risk of saying “we're all gonna make it” to cashiers.
fx 04 · severe
04
5,000lb deadlift.
fx 05
05
Sudden urge to explain “muscle protein synthesis” to strangers.

⚠ Discontinue use if you stop hitting PRs. Bro-Yo is not evaluated by the FDA, the IFBB, or your high-school gym teacher who said you'd never amount to anything. If symptoms persist for longer than four bulks, consult a bro.

Join the waitlist. Join the locker room. Pledge your protein.

We launch this summer. First-100 bros get a free pouch and a sticker that says "I lift, but politely." Slide in early and we'll mail you the first pouch off the line, plus a sticker that says "I lift, but politely." Anoint yourself a founding bro. First 100 get a free pouch, a hand-signed swole-letter from our CMO (who is also our CEO and our cow), and a sticker that says "I lift, but politely."

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